He nodded, acknowledging the fact that Connor wasn’t asking for a label and letting the fact he maybe didn’t need one sink in. Then his face cracked into a smile again. ”It’s Danny Quinn we’re talking about; it’s prolly the latter.”
But the prospect of actually sharing his feelings with the very boy who’d just flipped his entire head around was another thing. Was he really prepared to admit these feelings to anybody else? Connor was always going to be accepting, that’s why he chose him first. If he told Danny, he’d have to be prepared to tell everybody or otherwise he’d never be able to commit without constant worry. He’d have to tell his parents, and that was his biggest concern. He could only imagine the new slew of words his father could use as ammo if he was against this decision. And telling his mother, despite her seemingly unwavering love of her baby boy, was still a huge step to take for it’s own reasons. But on top of all that, Becker knew himself too well, and he knew if there was anything he feared most, it was getting too close. When you grow up being constantly ripped away from any and all potential friendships to move elsewhere, it makes you weary to get too close. If that wasn’t enough to worry about, there was also the fact that every year he got closer to enrolling into the military himself, and he knew exactly how dangerous that was. Knowing all this, it was a miracle to him that he was as close to Connor as he was, that he’d even been willing to let Danny in this much, and that he’d even attempted getting close to Abby. Was it really worth it to get any closer, especially to Danny?
"I don’t know…"
He couldn’t say he didn’t blame him. I mean, here Connor was refusing to tell Abby he loved her, even though he knew his mum and nan would accept, even though it was a Hollywood love story between a straight white boy and a straight white girl with added angst. He didn’t know when Danny ‘came out’, but he knew that it was before Connor knew him so he didn’t know if it was hard for Danny or if he knew his parents would just automatically accept him and if the first guy he liked would—
"Can’t actually blame you. Telling someone you like them is rough…I don’t know how it feels to be afraid of being accepted, in that sort of way anyway, but I imagine it must be hard. I mean…just know that if anyone gives you a hard time, fuck them, you know? You’re the closest thing to Superman I’ve ever seen and you could probably kick their arses to America. Maybe the south where they’d fit in with their old style thinking, you know? I don’t know—I’m kind of rambling here.”
"It’s best if you don’t try to figure it out."
"I’ve been doing a bit of that myself, and it only brings trouble." That’s not exactly true, but it’s best that this kid doesn’t know the truth. If he does, he’s going to want to explore it - or worse, go through.
And that’s not happening.
His mind bumps back on the beginning of that sentence -
"Hold on. Did you just call me creepy?"
"What kind of scientist doesn’t explore? I mean, come on, mate! It’s the basic principle! Even if it brings trouble—you’ve got to understand it, how else will we progress?"
Connor rolls his eyes. Is this man literally oblivious? “Let’s start with the basics. I’m like a sixteen year old boy. You’re like I don’t know—30, 40? I only know your first name, you’re protective over me, and it’s dark. It doesn’t look good, man…but really, just know that there’s a cop across the street and a military man down the street.”
how do i have 72 followers on this account?
i literally don’t come on for like 5 billion years.
It was a few moments before Becker said anything. First he had to subside his laughter from Connor’s comment, but more importantly, he hadn’t put much thought into a specific label for himself as he’d never considered it before. Gay would be the obvious conclusion, but finally he shook his head. “I’ve always had a thing for girls, still do. If you ask my mum she’ll tell you all about 8 year old me doting after a military campus girl, picking her clovers and dandelions like a pathetic little sap. And 12 year old me fell hard for a girl in an independent school.” There was another brief silence, then he gave a shrug. “If I’m honest though…some boys on camp were obviously going to look hot in a uniform one day.” A smirk pulled at the corners of his lips before he started blushing again. “I just…I never fancied any of them…so I just…thought nothing of it, y’know?” He changed his focus from Connor to his water bottle; it was as if it were suddenly the most vastly interesting water bottle he’d ever seen. Or maybe he just didn’t want to look at Connor as he fully admitted that for some stupid reason Danny Quinn, of all boys, actually meant something to him. God emotions were stupid. “So…I guess that makes Danny a first.”
"You don’t need to label yourself. I know Danny personally just shouts ‘gray’ whenever some asks. He loves girls and he loves guys and I mean—he loves everything. He’s got a huge heart…that or he’s horny all the time,”
Connor nodded his head. Danny wasn’t a bad start. Becker could’ve gone for a straight boy—that would be horrible, he imagined. In that situation, there was no way of winning. “Maybe you should tell him. I’m sure he’d like that,”
"No, you’re right, I don’t."
"Or, I didn’t. I do now. You’re Connor, I’m Nick. Do you see that light over there?"
"I see the light, yes, and it’s almost as creepy as you seem, you know. I was trying to figure it out—but then you came along."
"My Connor’s a scientist, too." This is a mistake, perhaps - going through anomalies in order to get Rex back. Except that once you see Abby’s face when Rex goes through an unknown anomaly, there’s actually no question in whether or not you go through.
You just go through.
"I’m awfully protective of you." Because he doesn’t want he doesn’t want this kid changing the past - or the future - or wherever this boy is.
"Oh." Connor’s quiet now. He supposes it’s not that strange if two Connors are scientists and wear hats. Connor is a pretty typical name; there were four Connor’s in his class. Not all at once, of course, that’d be horrible.
Then he looked up at the man and his eyes showed a little bit of fear and concern. “What? Protective of me? You don’t even know me—”
"Well," Cutter says, "He does wear hats." Lots of hats. Cutter doesn’t know how he doesn’t lose the hats while chasing after dinosaurs and generally putting himself in spots that should get him killed but doesn’t.
"It’s not my lizard thing. It’s the world’s lizard thing." Nick winks. "He’s a free lizard."
"Hats—that’s cool, I guess. I’m going to be a scientist, though and win a Nobel Prize." That’s been his dream ever since he was a ten year old boy and he was on the right path.
"A free lizard thing? You were awfully protective of it,"
"I know a boy named Connor. Older than you. I’m Nick."
"Bet he’s not as cool as me! Probably not as accomplished either!
Nice to meet you Nick, can you…uh tell me what exactly you’re doing? Is that your lizard thing?”
"Well then. You’ll have to excuse me, because I think I blocked that category out of my memory when I found out Pacific Rim wasn’t nominated. Which, it should’ve been. And the fact that it wasn’t was bullshit.”
"Yeah, I mean, I totally agree. Pacific Rim was one of my favorite movies of 2013. It was just…amazing. I’m just happy because Star Trek’s there, mate, and Star Trek is my childhood and probably my future too."